(SPOILERS AHEAD, so proceed with caution, you Mother lovers!)
Season Nine, Episode 14: “Slapsgiving 3: Slappointment in Slapmarra”
Written by: Carter Bays & Craig Thomas; Directed by: Pamela Fryman
Marshall still has two slaps left to give Barney (from their bet seven years ago); and, before going on Christmas break, we saw Marshall begin to slap Barney. This week picks up at the slap, but then flashes back to an episode-long backstory to Marshall’s motivation for this particular slap. It’s a convoluted tale that stalls the forward momentum of the show, but at least it’s entertaining.
Quick Breakdown
Sunday 1 a.m., 17 hours before the wedding.
Dramatic music plays as Marshall goes to slap Barney in slow motion. Before his palm reaches Barney’s cheek, the slap is interrupted by the opening credits sequence. Afterwards, the dramatic slow motion resumes as Marshall’s palm inches closer to Barney’s cheek. Before making contact, however, Future Ted tells us that Marshall has been preparing for this particular slap for a while.
A few weeks earlier, the gang was sitting at their booth at McLaren’s. Marshall reveals to them, mostly for Barney’s benefit, the tale of his arduous quest to learn the ability to deliver the slap of a million exploding suns. This particular quest requires him to master Speed, Strength, and Accuracy from the learned masters of Slapistry.
In The Cruel Tutelage of Red Bird, his trip takes him to Shanghai, where he seeks out Red Bird (who looks a lot like Robin) to teach him about Speed. She takes him to the Fabled Slapping Tree of Gong Ching Forest, where Marshall must learn to out-slap the Slapping Tree. As he recounts his tale, Barney interjects his disbelief, despite the others affirming every word of Marshall’s tale. During this, the jukebox skips, and Marshall goes over to fix it. He slaps it a little to get it back in sync, and instead it collapses in on itself. Barney shows a little fear, but he just thinks Marshall used a fake jukebox. Marshall also goes into a trance, saying he’ll slap Barney under a willow tree with four women and a tiger, but the gang dismisses this premonition.
In The Punishing Scholarship of White Flower, Marshall seeks out the Master of Speed (who greatly resembles Lily). After making love to her in the Gong Ching Forest (which Lily is OK with), she tells him to seek out those who hate Barney Stinson to harness their anger. Every time one of them slaps him, his own slap strength will increase. A quick montage of women that Barney has slept shows them slapping Marshall (It’s hard to recognize all the women, but there were definitely a few noticeable ones). With all their anger harnessed in his fist, Marshall is ready for the next, and final, trial.
In The Some-Might-Call-It-Nitpicky-But-It’s-Really-Just-Thorough Schooling of The Calligrapher, Marshall travels all the way to Cleveland to find the final master (who, as you can imagine, looks just like Ted). Before he can reveal his secrets, he chokes on his noodles and Marshall slaps him on the back to save him. However, because his training was unfinished, his slapping power is not controlled and he slaps the heart right out of The Calligrapher.
This means that Marshall is merely a Slapprentice. So, in the present, his dramatized slow motion slap misses the mark, and Barney runs away in fear. He runs into the forest and ends up in front of a willow tree with four women and a tiger (on a blanket they are embroidering). There Marshall finally delivers his terrifying blow to Barney’s face. But not before he reveals that The Calligrapher did teach him his secrets in his dying breathes, making a Marshall a true Slap Master.
Barney stands back up and asks if that jukebox was fake, and Marshall replies in the affirmative. Afterwards, with a red palm mark on his cheek, Barney is warned by Marshall that there is one more slap coming.
Rating
B
While not really advancing any sort of story beyond the slap bet, the convoluted story about Marshall’s slap quest is still amusing. It’s the kind of absurd story we enjoy and expect from HIMYM. But if this wasn’t enough for you, next week Barney is unable to lie, and we can finally get some answers from him.
Now for some random thoughts and my favorite moments of the night…
“Grammar is the first step on the thousand-mile journey to Accuracy.” – The Calligrapher
As Barney is about to be slapped for real, Robin says, “I love you.” He responds, “Enough to take this slap for me?” She quietly says, “No,” and walks away.
In the tag ending, Boyz II Men perform a soulful song about slaps while we get a montage of slaps from the show’s past.
