When I first introduced Newman’s hilariously idiotic Short People — possibly his most famous, commercially successful song to not appear in a children’s film — to my friends, they didn’t believe it was real. They thought it was some novelty song I dug up somewhere on Limewire, or a piece of treasure found amid the cluttered attic that is YouTube attic.
Alas, no, Short People is a real song with real lyrics that go like this:
Short people got no reason to live
They got little hands
And little eyes
And they walk around
Tellin’ great big lies
They got little noses
And tiny little teeth
They wear platform shoes
On their nasty little feet
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Ladies and gentlemen, Randy Newman, winner of numerous Oscars, Emmys, and Grammys, apparently despises the “nasty little feet” and compulsive lying of people below a certain height. Although the song was written in jest, controversy surrounded Short People. Newman never defended his song without draping it in a strong hint of irony. “I hate short people, it’s true,” he said. “The reason I don’t say anything is because the record label’s afraid I’ll tell people what I really think.”
Brilliant counterattack or slackjawed mutter? We may never know.
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