Programming Note: I’m Doug, Solamente Doug

Your ol’ Ace Cowboy heads out on a four-city, five-day work junket at 6:20 AM. I’ll be away from my regular station all week and checking in only periodically, but fortunately you’ll be left in the all-to-capable stewardship of 1st Lt. Scott Bernstein. He’ll treat you right, and if you’re nice enough, he’ll even cuddle for 10 minutes.

I’ll be in Vegas for 36 hours, but I highly doubt I’ll have much time to do much besides work and throw craps. I see Howie Mandel is playing my hotel that evening, but I’ll only be reminded of the time this Canadian girl we unlovingly called Weedwhore cried as she opened up to my friends and I about how her father is Howie Mandel and how he’s a total deadbeat. I doubt the validity of her yarn, though we were downing serious amounts of whippets in a rural parking lot at the time.

So no Howie for me. It’s a shame Tom Jones won’t be there that night, though I see he will be there for two weeks starting December 6th. I’d really love to see Aerosmith’s Joe Perry join the Welshman on stage for another rousing rendition of the Arctic Monkeys’ I Bet That You Look Good on the Dance Floor. That’s not a joke, that actually happened, and it’s just as surreal as you’d think it’d be. See for yourself:

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I shall miss you all, and I shall touch myself thinking of youse. I’m outta heeeee-re.

• Arctic Monkeys — I Bet That You Look Good on the Dance Floor
• Arctic Monkeys — Teddy Picker at Glastonbury Festival 2007