Uncesored Thursdays: Crap You Can Actually Buy At 30,000 Feet

But fake stones and ramps for pets are only the tip of the insanely weird iceberg that is Sky Mall. I’ve done everyone a service today and perused through the entire catalog to highlight some of the inane, “you’ve got to be kidding me” shit that is actually advertised for sale. Before I begin I just want to reiterate that everything you are about to see is REAL and has not been created, photoshopped, or altered by me in any way. I really can’t make this crap up:

Bigfoot Garden Sculpture – “This two-foot- tall Garden Yeti will have guests doing a double-take as they admire your creative gardening style!” I’m speechless.

Wooden Bridge – You can buy a fucking BRIDGE through a mail order catalog. A BRIDGE!!!

Mount Rushmore Garden Statue – As if the specter of 4 dead former Presidents gazing upon you from a mountain during your vacation wasn’t creepy enough, now you can relive the sensation everyday in your garden. WHAT IS THIS FOR???

Deer Repellent – How many times have you been on a plane and you start thinking “Gee, I wish I had something to keep those pesky deer away when I reach Los Angeles”? Exactly. NEVER. If repelling deer is a major issue for you, chances are, you shouldn’t be on a plane.

Fake Security Camera – For all of those fake burglars that try to rob your house.

Pet Observation Dome – Wanna make even more cruel for Rin Tin Tin? Let him see exactly what he’s missing beyond that fence with this ridiculous looking… thing. I don’t even know what to call it. An astronaut’s helmet??

Wonder Woman Cuff Bracelet – First of all, I love that this item cannot be discounted, like it’s so expensive and powerful, pandemonium would break loose if ALL of the public were able to afford it. I’m pretty certain that this bracelet does not bestow superpowers upon whoever wears it. Although, I guess if you’re the type of person who would order superhero regalia from an in-flight mail order catalog, this might go well with your wand and cape.