Luckily, U.S. News & World Report just posted a list of the 30 Best Careers For 2009. Surprisingly, “Vagrant” isn’t on there (I’m assuming it just missed the cut at #31). Also surprising–I have a problem with the list. Now I won’t waste your time and go through every single selection, but I will highlight some of my favorites:
- Clergy – Wait, being a priest is suddenly a career? I was always under the impression that it was a calling for the spiritually enlightened and crafty pedophiles. No one goes into the clergy thinking “ca-ching! A few years of this and I’ll be set.” The pay is crappy, you can’t have sex, you’re always on call and just about the only fringe benefits are unmitigated access to children and free wine.
- Ghostwriter – Wow, writing an entire book for someone and not getting any credit whatsoever for your hard work? Where do I sign up? I really wish this said “Ghostrider” instead of “Ghostwriter,” because riding a motorcycle with a flaming skull for a head and beating the shit out of people would be a fucking bad-ass career.
- Health Policy Specialist – In other words, the heartless asshole who tells a cancer patient their treatment won’t be covered by their insurance. This shouldn’t be a stretch for anyone recently fired from advertising or Wall Street.
- Registered Nurse – Glad to hear hospitals are now hiring registered nurses after all of those illegal, unregistered nurses didn’t work out.
- Politician/Elected Official – I hear Illinois might have a few openings soon. And keep an eye on that Ted Kennedy too.
- Usability Experience Specialist – This is one of those uptitled terms like “horticultural maintenance officer” or “janitorial engineer” that douchebag execs invented to make mundane jobs sound important. It’s fancy way of saying “product tester” or “human guinea pig.”
