Dunwyn: In addition to the beautiful scenic landscapes dotted with old world architecture and stunning castles, Gummi Berry Juice flows free through Dunwyn like the Salmon of Capistrano, affording goers the ability to transform into rubber and bounce off the walls for hours at a time. The nearby Gummi Glen is more than equipped for an influx of visitors as the trees all double as fully furnished houses. And the best part is that Dunwyn is equipped with a catapult, which is used to launch misbehaving wookies into neighboring area zones.
Jefferson County, Alabama: This one is actually somewhat real. This county is dirt-ass broke and plummeting into a bankruptcy scenario that does not look good for the locals – or their sewer system. Jefferson County appears to be a few short months away from swimming in their own feces, so they might as well bring in a big fat festival to provide some portables, a source of revenue, and some temporary jobs for the residents. Weird side note: Guess what other township is broke? East Hampton.
King of Prussia, Pennsylvania: I had to do it. It was either this, Weekapaug, RI, or the Continental Divide in Colorado and at least in King of Prussia, we can hope for a story night. The Wedge was tempting, but Harpua and Mockingbird won that debate with ease. Plus, the young scalawags can scour about the grounds in search of the Rhombus and they have a nice big mall, so we can eat Cinnabon for breakfast.
The Mayan Ruins: Tents are for suckers. Rothbury already one-upped the old camping/RV accommodations with on-site cabins, so the competition is about to get fierce. Why not raise see Rothbury’s cabins and raise them some ancient ruins? In addition, STS9 even give workshops explaining the Law of Time from the Mayan Calendar and lead crystal digging expeditions right on the grounds.
Kahuku, Hawaii: Jack Johnson’s hometown. Since he seems to play every single festival ever he should get to play one at home. Plus, if we have to listen to his shitty music, why shouldn’t the folks from his birthplace?
Busy Corner, Tennessee: Located just one exit away from Manchester, this town has felt a major inferiority complex since 2002. We have a feeling the Hatfields of Busy Corner would love to take the McCoys from Manchester down a notch. Let’s get Led Zeppelin to play in Busy Corner to even things up around Coffee County.
8 Responses
see you at the sts9 2012 concert at Machu Picchu…
Boston. Forget Central park, you guys have All Points West this weekend. The nearest fest is up in Maine, and no one I care about is playing…
Yeah, Jefferson County (Alabama) already has a festival called City Stages. This past June was the 20th annual… Just like everything else in Birmingham, it is swimming in debt, and has finished in the red for something like 10 years straight. They even brought in AC Entertainment (producers of Bonnaroo) this year to help dig out of the hole, but still could not turn a profit.
FWIW, I’ll take Jack Johnson’s grooves over Franti, SCI or sts9 any day of the week, especially if it’s a music fest in Hawaii. So many narrowminds rip this guy’s music because “it sucks” or “it’s not for them” … without realizing their own favorite band probably sucks too, “and isn’t right” for others. Especially Umphrey’s fans…
I agree, Rob. A big festival somewhere in the Emerald Necklace would be fantastic for Boston. With APW and part of the Green Apple Festival, I think NYC is doing well enough already.
Sedona Arizona in the Fall. Perfect weather, spiritual vortexes, perfect spot.
Not sure where “the Mayan ruins” are, but I had good times blasting STS9’s Artifact at Tikal.
jack johnson does hold a festival in hawaii every year..