OK, professional illusionist David Blaine. You’re the coolest fucking person alive. WE GET IT.
Last night, the stoic genius aired a new 90-minute TV special on ABC called “Real or Magic,” and it featured Blaine getting back to his performance art-magic roots. Instead of, say, freezing himself in a massive block of ice or (in a stunt nobody was excited by) fasting for 44 days, he did exactly what he does best: scaring the Bejeezus (and Be-Yeezus) out of strangers and celebrities with his jaw-dropping sleight-of-hand (and stab-of-hand).
Though it’s still incredibly fun to watch Blaine freak out regular people, it’s a geekier thrill to watch him punk A-listers. And Blaine pretty much tackled ’em all: leaving Kanye West speechless (That’s officially possible), disturbing film genius Woody Allen (who made Blaine a malted), and turning Breaking Bad co-star Aaron Paul into a drooling psychopath (I was waiting patiently for a “Yo, that’s crazy, BITCH!”).
Most of the highlights are packaged in the clip below, during Blaine’s soon-to-be-meme-worthy Ice Pick Stunt — in which he stabs said object through his bare hand without causing any blood loss.
Aaron Paul’s delighted-yet-horrified scream (which starts at 1:58) is like a shot of endorphins straight through your earholes and into your bloodstream. I’ve never been happier in my entire life. I would buy an album of that scream. I love Aaron Paul so much right now, I’m considering sitting through Need for Speed.
Some other notable reaction quotes:
“Oh, GOD NO! Ohhhh…Goooooodddd…woooowww!” — Aaron Paul
“Hehehehe.” — Kanye
“Noooooo way!!!!! Ohhhh youuuu! Ohhh Goooodddd!” — Aaron Paul
“That is THROUGH YOUR HAND!” — Aaron Paul; “But there’s no blood!” — Blaine; “But WHY?” — Aaron Paul
“Well, I’ve lost my erection entirely!” — Woody Harrelson
“No blood — nothing. Like I promised” — Blaine, sounding a little bit like a serial killer