Hey, Indy: Heady Crystal Skulls, Brah

Spielberg, Lucas, Harry Ford, everyone’s on this thing but Sir Connery. And, of course, the honor of revealing the closely held name of the fourth installment of the deservedly legendary Indiana Jones franchise went to Shia LaBeouf at Sunday night’s MTV Video Music Awards. Wait…shit? Can that be right?

As if it couldn’t get any more questionable than the conduit, the name drops and it’s rather unclear to us whether or not this is a documentary about the Sound Tribe Sector 9 lots. We’re not too fond of Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, and neither is the HT Braintrust known as Team HLA. A late afternoon virtual meeting produced a list of 20 better titles we’d like to see:

• Indiana Jones and the Treatment for Enlarged Prostate
• Indiana Jones and the Dankness of the Leathery Taint
• Indiana Jones: A Race Against Time to the Early Bird Special
• Indiana Jones and the Hey, Kids, Get Off My Lawn
• Indiana Jones and the Medicinal Search for a Raging Boner
• Indiana Jones and the Temple of Prunes
• Indiana Jones and the Bingo Game of Regret
• Indiana Jones and the Walker of Triumph
• Indiana Jones and the Idol of the Weak Stream
• Indiana Jones and the Crystal Colostomy Bag
• Indiana Jones: Because I’m Wearing Them, and I Just Did
• Indiana Jones and the Coordinated Bus Trip to Branson
• Indiana Jones: Raiders of the Lost Car Keys
• Indiana Jones and the Search for Depends Coupons in the Sunday Circular
• Indiana Jones and Quest to Pass the DMV Eye Test
• Indiana Jones and the Pursuit of a Bowel Movement
• Indiana Jones and the Legend of the Unending Turn Blinker
• Indiana Jones: Older, Fatter, Uncut
• Indiana Jones: Friday After Two Fridays From Now (w/ Ice Cube)
• To Wong Foo, Thanks For Everything, Indiana Jones

We know you’d rather plunk down 10 bucks on one of those flicks…