Second Anniversary: Phishy Toy Story

For this week’s Bust Outs, we’re meandering a bit from the beaten path. While it’s not the bust out you might be expecting, it’s a bust out nonetheless. We trust you have all seen Toy Story, so hopefully you’ll catch our drift here. If not, just chalk this one up to us having a flashback. Enjoy!

Fikus: Guys, I’m losing it. I can’t take another day locked up this lousy old toy chest. We’ve been trapped inside this dusty hot box at this crumby Barn out in the middle of nowhere for years. We need to band together and bust out of here. First, they pass us over in favor of flashy new material, then they take that jerk Destiny Unbound out without even thinking of us, and then they hang it up for good? That’s it, I’ve had it. Plus, these damn cluster flies are driving me insane.

Flat Fee: I hear you, Fikus. Count me in. I was supposed to be a great one. When Trey created me, Ernie said I was one of his best ever. I should have been one of his favorite toys. Instead, I’m locked in this dark chest with you knuckleheads complaining day in day out and nobody even knows I exist. Everyone thinks I am just some twisted variety of that other Fee. I am a serious composition with a great horn arrangement. That other Fee is a crappy noob tune about freaking paper cuts and nipples.

Spocks Brain: Oh puhleeease. The reason they have us locked up in here is because we all suck. The only reason I ever saw the light of day was because a bunch of kids started peddling shirts and stickers in 2000 and they threw ‘em a bone. Let’s face it: we don’t measure up to the big dogs. Can you seriously say that we don’t deserve to get passed over when they have real toys like You Enjoy Myself, Divided Sky, Harry Hood and Fluffhead?

Lushington: Do NOT mention the name Fluffhead. I hate that fucker. If it’s the last thing I do, I’m gonna get out of here and kick that little wanker’s ass like I’m Gus the Mule. At least you guys just got tossed to the curb. I got tossed to the curb, but not before they ripped out my heart and soul and gave it to him.

Fluffhead: Um, excuse me. I’m in here too in case you didn’t notice. And if you have something to say to me, come over here and say it to my face.

Lushington: Ok Ok. Whatever. I suppose it’s not you fault Fluff. Still, you don’t exactly have room to complain. After all, they only played you 186 times you poor thing. Anyway, bygones are bygones; let’s do this. Who’s with us? We’re busting out of this lousy chest.

No Dogs Allowed: Yup. I’m in. Trey’s mom helped created me for crying out loud. She must have a birthday coming up one of these days and I need to get myself in shape. All we need to do is figure out a way to climb up and unhitch that latch. If I recall, once we unlock it, it has a spring loaded contraption that pops it open. So, how do we climb this thing?

Prep School Hippie: Guys, I think I have a plan. I’ll climb up Fikus’s stem as high as I can. Then, if I pop my collar, it should be just high enough to allow you guys to climb up and jump off and grab hold of the latch. Who can jump the highest out of us?

Bye Bye Foot: Don’t look at me.

Flat Fee: Me either, I have Plantars Fasciitis.

Spock’s Brain: I don’t even have a body. If those stupid fans would have just named me The Plane, we’d be all set. Well, maybe somebody can use me as an energy source to give them some super human jumping abilities. After all, I did power an entire alien planet.

Windora Bug: I’ll help too. I’m far too small to pull the latch myself, but I can grab hold of somebody and flap my little wings for a boost. Combined with Spock’s Brain power, it might just work.

Lushington: I guess that leaves it up to me. I’ll take it for the team. Let’s go guys.

Lushington climbs Fikus’s woody stalk and makes his way to the leafy appendages where Prep School Hippie has formed an elaborate bridge with his pink Lacoste shirt collar. Upon walking across the makeshift bridge made out of yachting’s finest fashions, Fikus’s limbs begin to sway as the weight is too heavy. He sways and groans, attempting with all his might to support the two, but clearly it’s not enough. Just then, Spock’s Brain plunges himself into the soil, providing an luminescent glow throughout Fikuses’ stalks, providing him just enough strength to hold for few more moments.

Fikus: I can’t hold much longer. You have to make the jump now.

Lush leaps as high as he can and stretches his arms as long as he possibly can, but it’s not enough. At the very peak of his jump, his fingertips grace the latch, but do not quite reach high enough to grab hold.

Just as he starts descending from the pinnacle of his jump, Windora Bug flutters up and grabs hold of the back of his shirt. With Windora’s help, Lush is just able to stretch a centimeter higher and clasp his hands around the latch and lock his fingers. As he hangs, the latch slowly descends and ultimately drops to the unlock position, popping the chest door wide open.

As Lush hangs high above his friends in the chest below, he looks out to see light for the first time in years, but to his surprise he also sees something else that takes him by even greater surprise. He sees the four band members stop practicing and turn immediately to see what caused the ruckus.

Mike: Holy shit. It’s the songs. They broke out of the chest. They must have heard us practicing.

Trey: Well hello, Lushington. Long time no see.

Lushington: Hi Trey. Look, we are really tired of being locked away in that dark, scary chest all these years. You think maybe, um I mean if it’s not too much trouble, you guys might work us in this time around?

Trey: One thing at a time guys. We gotta a lot of work to do as it is on the regular rotation, but we’ll keep it in mind. I always did like you, Lushington. For now, let’s just see what happens.

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7 Responses

  1. Happy Birthday guys and a personal thanks to Ace and Scotty who invited me on up as well, giving me an opportunity to add a little bit to this wonderful community.

  2. Uh-oh. Ht’s about to hit the “terrible twos.” It’s gonna be crankier than John McCain at 4 AM around here.

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