Phish Fans Get Dissed, Edge Out Nazis

REM – One would expect to see a show rivaling other big time arena rock bands like U2, AC/DC, or Pearl Jam from the Athens rock stars, but the problem is the crowd at their shows is largely numb as a statue on Ativan. Perhaps it depends where you see them, but you’d be hard pressed to find a band who doesn’t bring the heat to Madison Square Garden and the fans there seemed to pay attention half the time at best, waiting for the hits and spending more time on line buying hot nachos.

Particle – Particle is one of those bands that I could only ever listen to in the solitude of my own home, because the fan base at the live shows just felt way too strung out. I guess it’s par for the course when you shred at warp speed for hours on end and play the majority of shows at like five in the morning, but this scene just felt too much like the latter day Phish scene that helped drive it into the ground. Don’t get me wrong, Particle could play, but man, those fans were just way too overstimulated for my blood.

Gram Parsons – This one is more a state of mind than anything related to Gram, but these fans personify the wannabe music know-it-all. Parsons is the classic example of the power of influence that comes from dying. Nowadays, everybody acts like they were huge fans of Gram all along (or would have been had they been born in time). If you took a class on references to drop to sound knowledgeable about music, they would probably tell you to piece together sentences using the words Gram Parsons, post-something, and Tom Dowd.  Throw in a couple lines about sweeping guitar harmonies and you got yourself a job.

Green Day – Green Day fans deserve a scolding, because these fans let the tides of trendiness sway them in and out of fanhood. Green Day went from acclaimed punk act to way too mainstream pop-punk band and subsequently became a bit of a nostalgia act, despite never waning in quality. Fast forward a few years and they cranked out a Grammy Award for Best Rock Album and sold 14 million copies of the rock opera, American Idiot, reclaiming critical darling status. Ironically, Green Day’s sound never really changed, so these fans were clearly just victims of their own perception.

Animal Collective – Simply put, I don’t believe that all these people are really that into the Merriweather Post Pavillion album. It felt like everybody was spanking it to this album and calling it the best of ’09 three months before it ever came out. These fans stink of group-think and victims of the hype machine. Think for yourselves ya wankers. If all these fans were that into these guys, they would have taken more notice of Panda Bear’s Person Pitch album in ’07. Now that is an album.

Coldplay – Turn on a CW dramedy and you’re bound to hear a Coldplay song; watch the commercials during said dramedy and you’re bound to hear a Coldplay song; and do anything after said dramedy, and you’re singing a f*cking Coldplay song. The result is a jaded fanbase of original fans replaced by a ton of really attractive women. You might think that is a good thing, but it really sucks.

Unfortunately, studies show that the attractiveness of women is directly correlated to their likelihood to clap and sing during concert situations (see: Dave Matthews Band). Worse yet, the correlation of the attractiveness of women and the douche level of their companion is even higher (see: link).

That’s all we got. Who makes your list?

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20 Responses

  1. THE DEAD: god i love this band, but here we go…the deads fans fucking suck. there all a bunch of old geezers that sit around at the shows and always cause me to trip over when im trying to dance or even walk. sometimes when walking around festivsls, i look over and think that ones dead when really just napping…or maybe he was dead, ill never really know. talk about nastalgia act…and the best , and most inspirational part of the band is long dead and they’ve gone through over ten people maybe to try and fill the void and just cant do it.

    that felt horrible by the way…

  2. no Biscuits mention? Panic?

    On the flip side, there should be a list for “Best fans”…unfortunately it would likely be populated by smaller bands with core fans that haven’t let the negativity / douchy-ness leak in, but i’ll go ahead and give a fluffer shout out to the Pgroove fans…great folks.

    And Jamcruise attendees…pretty solid base right there.

  3. Pregobopp – I hear ya, I didn’t really like writing this at all. It seemed funny at first and then I just felt all guilty.

  4. This is a stupid article. Who are you to judge who is or is not a good fan? What constitutes a good fan base? Good behavior? Good hygiene? Respectful?

    Good music is all that matters IMO~ All these bands have good fans and bad ones. What you said about String Cheese Incident is just plain stupid!

  5. Biscuits.

    It’s nearly impossible to be a casual WSP fan at one of their shows… but they’re usually drunk southeners with tons of pot, so it all evens out.

    RE: Dead… I went to the Wood Brothers show down in Fall River the other week (which was amazing, btw… got to take a piss next to them before the show… my what an honor!), and these tie-dyed freaks were dancing around like morons right next to the ground-level stage. To put this in better context, there were about 150 people there, sitting in church pews, very mellow vibe. These losers were stoned out of their minds, leaving their young daughter to sleep in the pews instead of hiring a freakin’ babysitter!

  6. I’ve been almost puked on way too many times at Bisco. at Roo, at Langerado, in Boston and NY. Too many kids trying club drugs for the first time.
    I’ll stay away and stay puke free

  7. RATDOG, followed by the Dead. Why? Old, sloppy freaks that can’t get good drugs anymore so they just drink until their livers explode. What a pathetic mess! Strange, b/c Phil & Friends gigs I’ve been to have been among the most enjoyable shows. I also agree with the DMB assessment, although I really wouldn’t know anymore b/c his playing has been so flaccid since 2001 that I’ve stayed away. I remember this long-past-her-sorority-days woman looking at my wife and I exclaiming, “OHHH, YOU’RE HIPPIES!!!” Huh? First off, we’re both born in the 70’s, secondly, we’d showered that day, third we have full time professional jobs, money in our pockets, and clean clothes on. Although we owned tie-dyes, we weren’t ‘wearing our colors’. So what caused her zealous assessment? We both were wearing Birkenstocks. So long, Dave, nice knowing ya!

  8. I love Dave, but I can’t count the number of shows ruined by younger fans singing on the top of their lungs to the more “poppy” and mainstream songs (Crash) and then chatting during some of Dave’s best guitar playing when he’s demonstrating how great of a musician he is.

  9. Fluff, you are right and I certainly don’t mean to play judge. These are all bands I really like, so it was meant to be just sarcastic banter, not any real hatin. I guess it came across harsher than intended.

  10. “These fans stink of group-think and victims of the hype machine. Think for yourselves ya wankers. If all these fans were that into these guys, they would have taken more notice of Panda Bear’s Person Pitch album in ‘07. Now that is an album.”

    i agree with this 110%…this line could be used on a lot of other indie rock bands of the moment.

  11. Do you include Television fans in your same analysis of Gram Parsons? If I wear my Flying Burrito Brothers T-Shirt, are you call me a poser?

  12. Ryan – don’t apologize or backtrack from this one bit. Turning a frank and honest eye towards things we care about the most has always marked the best journalism. What did Philip Seymour Hoffman tell the kid in Almost Famous? “You want to be a true friend to them. Be honest and unmerciful.”

    After all, this is the site that posted a long screed instructing Phish fans how to comport themselves at Hampton, isn’t it?

  13. As I tell my almost 4yr old, you get what you get and you don’t get upset. I understand the sarcasm in this piece and dont mind it, but to me it is silly and a non argument. When you go to Yankee Stadium, the fans are going to act differently then if you see a game at SHEA. Baseball is still baseball and that is what I am paying to see. I could care less about what other people do to be honest. They paid to get in just like i did. Sure some will over drink/drug and yes that can be annoying but there are far more people acting respectfully then not. I have been to thousands of shows/games and have experienced all sorts of crowds. I was young and stupid once. IT is what it is!

  14. Fluffhead, you said it. You get what you get. I long ago quit going to see most sensitive female singer songwriters (Tori Amos, Indigo Girls, Sarah McLaughlin and the like) because of fans who think a concert is where they should practice Karaoke, at the top of their effing lungs. Yes a show should ba about the music, but it also has to be about the experience. and the experience of some eighth grade tween shouting the lyrics to “Cornflake Girl” doesn’t appeal to me anymore. Now, when I was in eighth grade, I’d jump all over that sh*t.

  15. about the phish…this guy is just predicting the future..the days of the ‘silent on demand’ crowd are probably over. Remember when at the Boston Garden, some Halloween (92?) when the Spin Drs played before phish and we all boo’d the docs and they lectured us on how rude we were? WSP did that to us at UMaine (93 or 94′) also b/c we weren’t dancing enough, they actually got quite rageful and I really don’t think too many of us were impressed by them anyway. A band should never sink to trying to discipline a crowd to like them better lol

  16. Not your best writing RD, but cheers for flexing the critical voice. If you guys are going to take it to the next level, you need some criticism. Anybody can give out handjobs day in, day out. They call them music critics for a reason.

  17. Dont go to show if you are annoyed by the fans. Dont sweat the small stuff. These days, we pay alot of money to go see the bands/teams we love. Focus on why you are there not who you are there with. Yes, a behaved crowd makes for a better experience but if it is not behaved in your section/area then MOVE. I learned this lesson a long time ago. PEACE

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