[rating=1.00]
In what could easily be titled Rosario Dawson Does Her Best, the latest from the director of an episode of Bones and the writers of such gems as The Conjuring 2, four episodes of The Walking Dead, and a “written by” credit for flop Shut In comes Unforgettable. This mess of a dramatic thriller sets Dawson as the New Woman, coming in to take over what was once Katherine Heigl’s life. Not only do we get dramatic tension paired with a crazed Heigl constantly staring into the mirror while she brushes her over bleached hair, but we also get sub-par acting from the guy who once played Jessica Biel’s boyfriend on a show about not having sex until you’re married. Spoilers ahead.
Rosario’s character Julia has just met David, the man of her dreams (Geoff Stults). He’s tall, boring, and has a crazy amount of baggage. But he just started his own brewery, so you know, he’s irresistible. Julia moves from her home in Northern California down to Southern California, completely uprooting herself from an…editing company? Writing job? Something, it’s not all that clear. Once she arrives she gets to have all the sex, only to be interrupted by her new beau’s pesky past life—his daughter and ex-wife.
Julia does her best with Tall and Boring’s daughter, Lily, who is worried about liking her at first. We soon find out it’s because her insane mother, Tessa, has been feeding her a line about how terrible she is. Tessa presents as normal, but only as far as the car door where she constantly stares Julia down with the hate ridden power of a thousand fiery suns. Julia is oblivious at first, ignoring Tessa’s white hot rage, getting on with Tall and Boring. Shit goes downhill quickly when Lily takes a shine to Julia, fueling her mother’s hatred and her father’s enamor.
Tessa quickly figures the best way to get Julia out of her life is by stealing her identity, inviting her psycho ex-boyfriend back into her life (the restraining order is up now, and for some reason she can’t renew it) and goad him into coming back for Julia. Nothing says “stay away from my man” like casual sexual assault and victim blaming! Julia goes on her ups and downs, feeling insecure about her relationship with Tall and Boring, eventually figuring out Tessa’s nefarious dealings come from a childhood trauma of her father leaving her mother for his secretary. Scandal!
This whole thing culminates in Tessa trying to murder everyone, only to see herself in the mirror just before stabbing Julia and saying something to the extent of “I don’t like me right now.” She then runs herself into the knife Julia is holding in defense, because dying is literally better than going through psychiatric help in this twisted universe.
Not only is this storyline completely played out at this point, but for some unknown reason they decided to add a race element to it. Heigl’s character is always dressed in all white, adding to her overbleached hair and reluctance to let her daughter eat Julia’s “spicy food.” It’s like they literally went out of their way to showcase Heigl as a “white devil” type to contrast with Dawson’s ethnically ambiguous background. It’s their way of saying, “No I love brown people, see we killed off the white lady!” Albeit they all share the same black friend too.
Not only is Unforgettable the most forgettable thing you’d view this year, but it’s endlessly mundane. If someone holds you at knife point demanding you see the film, maybe just accept a stab wound and a weird story to tell your friends when you get out of the hospital.
Unforgettable is now playing in theaters everywhere.
One Response
Unforgettable is definitely the wrong title for a movie you want to erase from your memory the second it ends.