My Genre Can Beat Up Your Genre

This summer, two bands without ironic names have been booked to play the McCarren Pool. And some hipsters are fucking pissed about the booking.

Umphrey’s McGee and the Disco Biscuits will be performing at the Billyburg venue on August 15th. Hipster-blogger Crooked Rain was so enraged that he wrote the following inaccurate rant about the upcoming show:

While scanning the ‘net (that’s short for Internet, kids) today, I came across this little gem. Look’s like Bisco, as Disco Biscuits are known to fans, and Umphrey’s McGee are going to be playing McCarren Pool this summer.

Now for those of you not down with the jam band scene, Bisco and Umphrey’s are two of the bands jockeying to fill the vacuum created after the disbandment of Phish and save the scene from complete obscurity. After seeing both bands several times, which I am a bit ashamed to admit, I have to say not only do they both kind of suck, but also have incredibly annoying fans. The only saving grace of hippies is their drug induced haze enables them to dance at shows rather than stand there like statues, desperately trying to look cool (NY hipsters, cough). However, I usually found that most fans of these bands tended to be more into the drug aspect of the concert than the actual music, so I guess it’s a trade off. In the end, the irritating fans and monotony of the music caused me to abandon jam bands for greener pastures.

SO, be sure to avoid McCarren Park and Bedford Ave on 8/15 if troves of Long Island hippy stoners and twenty-minute suck-fest songs scare you as much as they scare me.

You can say whatever you want about the Biscuits and Umphrey’s, but the crowd certainly won’t be full of hippies. I would imagine many traditional hippies would be scared shitless at a D.U.M.B. show. Hipsters take pride in being non-conformist, but in this case they are acting just like the traditional media with their blanket stereotyping, which isn’t even accurate in this case.

Come on hipster blogorati, I know you can do better than “hippy stoners and twenty-minute suck-fest songs.” Let’s go Steve Martin in Roxanne here: Where are the cracks about malnourished dogs, unshaven feminine parts and nitrous cookies? How about tracking the sales of cheese and bread (and heady, heady garlic salt) at the Williamsburg bodegas? Where’s the link to this poet? This shit’s easy. Are you even trying, or are you drowning in apathy like the rest of the detached hipsters?

Y’all weren’t complaing when Television played a 20-minute Marquee Moon. That’s the real irony. Ah, forget it, let’s all go spin on the lawn and smoke the hash.

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4 Responses

  1. That hipster bingo thing is the f’in best.

    I’m going to print a bunch of those out and give them out at the bars around town so we can all play while we schwill. And eat n20cookies.

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