2007

Our Thursday run-in buddies are back for more…so here are Rupert & Stan from the Ghosts of Wayne Fontes sports blog with an important primer for you.

Congratulations, slacker, you finally formed a band. After weeks of scanning classifieds to find a drummer on Craigslist and Music Mates, the lineup is complete, the repertoire is stocked with a couple sets worth of kickass tunes, and everyone is itching to start playing gigs. Congratulations, you’ve completed the easiest part.

Now for the hard part: coming up with the name. Creating – and more importantly, agreeing upon — a good band name is no easy feat. The name must achieve a delicate balance between humor, wit, and distinct uniqueness. Like any good brand, the name has to permeate people’s brains and last in their memories. It’s gotta be something that strikes a cord, like Passive Rape for a triangle/drums duo.

Ultimately, creating the band name is a big decision, because if things go well, this moniker will be larger than the individuals in the band. In fact, the name should last for years, maybe even decades, and potentially outlive all the band members. Thus, we aim to help you in this difficult task set ahead of you. So read on after the jump, where we have concocted a failsafe three-step process for the naming of a band…

Frank Zappa bootlegs will become much harder to come by in 2008 thanks to Gail Zappa and the Zappa Family Trust. The ZFT spent the holiday season sending out cease

As you’ve no doubt noticed, we’ve taken our foot slightly off the accelerator. It’s tough to post a full slate of nonsense when there’s very little in the way of

Each year the taste makers of a Yahoo! group named NYC-Freaks come together to throw a party featuring some of their favorite “just about to break” bands. Freaks Ball VIII

We hope everyone’s enjoying a happy holiday…but HT Grinch Chuck Myers does not. He’s kinda hoping someone falls down and sprains an ankle today. I seen ’em.

I’m not a fan of Christmas. Sure, I like the pretty lights and the attractive women in Santa outfits, but seeing yard after yard filled with glowing plastic manger scenes doesn’t fill my heart with joy. Hell, I’m not even a Christian and I find plastic mangers to be somewhat blasphemous. Maybe I can find an inflatable Lao Tzu to stick in my front yard.

Anyway. Given my tendencies towards Scroogely behavior, I like to spend the holidays surrounded by depressing music. “Fairy Tale of New York” doesn’t usually make it onto my mix CDs, because it’s just too darned happy. Yeah, I can conjure up some bitter sadness if I think of poor Kirsty MacColl getting mowed down by an asshole in a boat as she saved her son, but that’s not really specific to Christmas.

No, the songs that bring a smile to my withered lips are far bleaker than anything a drunk Pogue can conjure. “Lonely Christmas Eve” by Ben Folds is a step in the right direction, but the music isn’t very sulk-worthy. Folds’ ditty about a lubed-up Santa getting stuck in the chimney (“Bizarre Christmas Incident”) puts the “ahhhh” in my Bahhhh Humbug, but he really gets it right on “Brick,” a timeless carol about a yuletide abortion.

Mew’s Christmas rape story, “She Came Home for Christmas,” is a mainstay, even if it is overwrought and schmaltzy. Tom Waits’ “Christmas Card from a Hooker in Minneapolis” could be titled “Christmas Carol from the Crack Addict Hookers Who Work the Corner By My House,” and Meryn Cadell’s “Cat Carol” still makes me misty-eyed even though the neighborhood stray is living in my basement and pissing on the childhood memories I have stored down there.

These are all great songs to play as I sit in a dark room with a plate of nachos and a worn-out copy of “It’s a Wonderful Life” that plays soundlessly on my vintage VCR. But last year, I discovered* what might be the saddest Christmas song of all. It’s a song that you may have heard, a little tune called “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas.”

No, I’m not shitting you. This is some bleak stuff. Read on to find out why…