The Phish is fried. Just as the fervor of internet-Phish-dorkdom reached its frenzied peak of reunion show madness, Phish keyboardist Page McConnell layeth down the smack. To paraphrase the open letter he posted recently on the band’s official website, the hypothetical reunion, “Ain’t happening, bitches.”

To be fair, there’s a lot left up to interpretation in his little four paragraph statement. He definitely doesn’t close the door on the possibility of a Phish reunion, and goes so far as to say that if it weren’t for Mike’s stupid new album about bird watching, they would have already made arrangements. Ok, that’s not exactly what he said. File that under ‘creative interpretation’. But he does say that Phish reuniting is “something I consider very seriously, and I think about it a lot.” Somewhere in America, a glowstick and an Uno card just read this and wet themselves.
As exciting as this all sounds, I’m not entirely sure I’m sold on a Phish reunion. I mean, what’s the point? They had their time and place, right? And let’s be honest, things aren’t exactly like they were at the peak of the Clinton ’90s when Phish was at their most culturally relevant. There’s two wars going on now, the world is melting, there’s nothing good on TV, dogs and cats living together- mass hysteria! Not to mention the fact that most of Phish’s core audience has all moved on to things like ‘lives’ and ‘families’, ‘mini-vans’ and ‘brunch’ and all that adult crap. Is there really room in this fucked up day and age of war and diaper changes for Phish tour? Maybe so, maybe not. READ ON for Neeko’s list of Phishy suggestions…