…aka The Dumbest HT Post Ever, aka Don’t Hit Publish, Don’t Hit Publish
This may come as a shock to some of youse, but apparently many rappers don’t care for each other’s company. They tell me there’s some bad blood out there, and occasionally it gets spilled in the mean streets when shit needs to go down. We don’t tend to cover the rap world (that’s why we keep Passion of the Weiss on the RSS feed), but the latest salvo in the altogether-necessary battle between 50 Cent and Lil’ Wayne caught our attention.
The insanely talentless 25 Pence unleashed a fresh attack this past weekend against both his rival Lil’ Wayne and his supposed boss, Interscope President Jimmy Iovine, and we always like to take a second to bow down to rhetorical genius when we see it. Fitty first takes issue with Lil’ Wayne’s odd relationship with Cash Money Records founder Bryan “Baby” Williams, including this poetic stanza in his latest mixtape track:
“You make me wanna kiss you like Baby kiss Wayne. And make you call me daddy like Baby do Wayne. Damn that s**t sounds gay it’s insane. I guess that’s the price a lil’ bitch pay for fame.”
Hooo snap, yo! Wow, Lil’ Wayne must be crushed, his spirit broken by such lyrical brilliance (even though this pic of Lil’ Wayne and Baby Williams does leave itself open for public comment). The sheer intelligence oozing from this shot reminds me of the scene in Roxanne when Steve Martin’s character hurls 20 insults at himself with cheetah-like speed and rapist wit. Fitty must have a crew of ghost-writers working nonstop on this shit. And rhyming “insane” with “fame?” I just came.
Fitty also insults his non-boss, though I hesitate to reprint it here lest we all Hale Boppily kill ourselves for feeling far too mentally feeble. But the point here is this: Can’t we bring more of this showdown shit to the jamband community? Can’t the Untz Untz stare down the collective throat of the Straight Noodlers and threaten their well-being? Would it be too much to ask for Disco Biscuits’ bassist Marc Brownstein to bust a cap in Tea Leaf Green’s Trevor Garrod in Vegas?
The scene’s got a built-in divide right now, and with sluggish ticket sales and declining interest in the jam world, isn’t this exactly what we need to save it? It can’t be too much to ask for Lotus or FutureRock to write a song with the lyrics: “You make me wanna kiss you like Gregg kiss Haynes. And make you call me daddy like Trucks do Haynes. Damn that s**t sounds gay it’s insanes. You don’t dig the untz, you’s all sloppy cuntz.” C’mon, motherfuckers, make it happen. Gats out.