[rating=3.00]
A good idea is a good idea, and there’s a certain amount of credit due towards it for being a good idea. And, for this, I will credit Pixels. As a premise, it’s not that bad. The 2010 short film of the same name proved this when it first hit, showcasing, in under three minutes, a world ravaged by the pixelated villains and heroes of our youth actualizing themselves in our reality. It was a clever look at classic videogames tropes and how they would affect the real world. So clever, in fact, that I can’t fault the writers and producers of the full-length, big budget adaptation of this short for trying to recapture the magic. That’s as far as I’ll go, however. For all of the fun showcased in the original short, the full length version offers little and feels sort of like a step-by-step guide to the dangers of running a good idea into the ground.
For all its faults, there was actually some potential in the idea. Taken at face value, the concept of an attack by the most beloved characters in videogame history is intriguing. Difficult as it may be to pinpoint exactly where it went wrong, perhaps our first clue would be the involvement of Adam Sandler and Kevin James, the perennially unfunny duo that, somehow, manages to get less and less funny as the years march on.
Sandler plays Brenner, the one-time second best arcade master in the world, who squandered the potential of his youth and grew up to be, well, Adam Sandler. His friend, Cooper (James), had somewhat higher aspirations and inexplicably grew up to become president of these United States. As Brenner meanders aimlessly through his mediocre existence as an electronics installation guru, Cooper is faced with, potentially, the biggest crisis of his troubled presidency when aliens, taking the form of pixelated videogame characters from the 80’s, attack the earth. With nowhere to turn, President Cooper looks to his childhood friend, calling upon his prowess on the control pad to lead the counterattack.
If this sounds a little bit like geek dream fulfillment, it absolutely is. How many of us out there didn’t tune out the incessant droning of our parents warnings that we were wasting our time by fantasizing endless scenarios wherein we would one day use our elite gaming skills to save the universe? (Maybe this is just me, but, as I am a geek, my original point still stands.) Had the makers of Pixels dived headlong into this premise, it might have worked fairly well. Instead, the film masquerades itself as an all-ages romp and in attempting to make itself suitable for everybody it achieves the opposite, appealing to precisely nobody.
As much as we don’t like to admit it, today’s kid, simply, doesn’t know what these games are. The character of Matty (Matt Lintz) proves this when he doesn’t know what Centipede or Asteroids are. This sentiment was echoed by the number of times I heard children who attended the same screening I did turn to their parents to ask who that character or what the game was. So why are we making movies which prominently feature them and attempting to appeal to their sensibilities? Where Pixels could have been a balls-out nostalgic romp for the aging geek, it’s instead a work of utter mindlessness that leaves audiences across generations bewildered and confused. While I admit that bridging the generation gap is a noteworthy feat, that fact that it’s uniting young and old with shared disdain and disinterest is decidedly less impressive.
Pixels is a pretty massive misstep for director Chris Columbus who, let’s face it, has been hit or miss at best over the last decade and a half, despite his early career successes. Admittedly, he does a good job with the material and the cast he’s given, and there are some clever sight gags (many of which, it’s worth noting, were cribbed from the original 2010 short) but never has the impending destruction of Earth and all life on it felt so incredibly dull. But hey, this is an Adam Sandler movie, so I guess as long as he shows up and recites his lines as if he’s reading them from cue cards off camera then we’re, at the very least, par for the course.
I can say, however, that I enjoyed Peter Dinklage. God bless that dude, for real. He clearly has reached a stage in his life which is completely devoid of fucks to give and has, therefore, decided to just have fun with whatever he’s doing. He sashays through the movie with bravado and swagger, not unlike Tyrion Lannister, except different in every possible way. Unfortunately, not even his presence is enough to save this muddled mess of inanity.
But whatever. It doesn’t matter how bad any critic assures you this movie is, you’re probably still going see it and keep the Adam Sandler moneymaking machine rolling in perpetuity. It’s what the studios count on when they release any of his pointless exercises in self-aggrandizement onto the populace. Hell, they admitted it themselves, as the emails from last year’s Sony hack revealed. They know they’re releasing bullshit when they release it, they just don’t care because audiences don’t seem to either. People keep seeing this drivel, so they keep making it. So if it comes to mind while you’re watching it, if you can’t help but wonder how these movies keep being made, take a good long look at yourself in the mirror after the show is over, and you’ll get your answer. It’s a shame because Sandler has, on multiple occasions, proven himself to be a perfectly capable actor (Punch Drunk Love, Funny People, Reign Over Me) but I guess quality just doesn’t pay like it used to.
Pixels is in theaters now.
