[rating=4.00]
Two things are quickly apparent when watching The Mummy, Universal’s latest attempt to kickstart a shared universe based on their popular monsters. The first is that Universal no longer has any idea how to handle their most beloved properties, and the second is that they have no idea how to handle a shared universe.
A shared monster universe has long been a goal for Universal, and The Mummy marks their second attempt to throw their hat into the game, the first being 2014’s abysmal Dracula Untold. While this film blessedly never descends to the level of hokum of its (now ignored) predecessor, that’s not saying much. It’s the difference between a raging, out of control dumpster fire and a smoldering mass of garbage—at the end of the day, you’re still dealing with trash.
Which is a damn, damn shame. In concept, the prospect of a shared monster universe—what they’re now billing as the Dark Universe—sounds pretty great. Bringing together classic monsters like The Wolfman, The Invisible Man, Frankenstein’s Monster, and yes, The Mummy has, on paper, a lot of merit. These are monsters that have stood the test of time, scaring new generations of movie lovers for the better part of a century. With the first official entry now in theaters, fans have a lot to be scared of—but in the exact wrong ways.
The Dark Universe hinges around Dr. Henry Jekyll’s (Russell Crowe) secret society of monster hunters, bent on the destruction of evil. We’re meant to assume this has worked well for them thus far—his secret base is filled with nods and Easter eggs for fans to unpack, an indication of their overall success. In concept, this is admittedly cool. It’s in execution where things get muddled.
We’re introduced to Hyde via a quick exposition dump during the opening moments of The Mummy. You always know you’re in for a rocky ride when a film spends its first few minutes explaining itself to you. This Cliff’s notes narration tells the tale of Ahmanet (Sofia Boutella), an Egyptian princess destined to take over her father’s kingdom until his new wife has a baby boy. Enraged by her displacement on the ladder of ascension, she makes a deal with Egyptian god Set, who promises her power in exchange for a sacrifice to give him physical form. After murdering her family, her plans to bring Set to life are thwarted by the palace guards, and she’s mummified alive and buried far away from the sands of Egypt.
(Sticklers will point out that being mummified alive is an impossibility. Mummification is a process involving removing organs to keep the body as preserved as possible, and not merely the wrapping of the dead, and given the intensity with which Ahmanet writhes and struggles when being placed in her sarcophagus, it’s a safe bet her organs were intact. Here, this revelation serves as a decent enough metaphor for what to expect from this film—a half-assed attempt to sound cool while actually falling flat on its face.)
We’re then taken 5,000 years into present day Iraq, where Navy Seal Nick Morton (Tom Cruise) and his partner Vail (Jake Johnson) abandon their mission for the sake of finding a hidden treasure supposedly in the area. Apparently, Nick has been making some good side money by looting antiquities and selling them on the black market. He was led here by a map stolen off of Dr. Jenny Halsey (Annabelle Wallis), after a night together in Baghdad. The map (and a conveniently aimed missile from a drone) lead them to Ahmanet’s burial site. Of course, she’s awakened, and she sets her eyes on Nick to help her bring Set to the world of the living.
As far as introductions go, The Mummy is a stumbling, stuttering mess that doesn’t leave a good first impression. It reeks of desperation, having to justify not only itself but the already announced plans to make this a franchise. As a result, nothing works the way anyone wants—or needs—it to.
Neither the script (a committee affair from David Koepp [Inferno], Christopher McQuarrie [Mission: Impossible-Rogue Nation], and Dylan Kussman [The Steps]) nor director Alex Kurtzman (People Like Us) can figure what this movie wants to be. It tries to pay homage to both the Boris Karloff original and Brendon Fraser remake, but never does it gel into its own unique thing. One moment it’s playing for the action crowd, the next it’s trying to scare you, and in between there are moments of ham fisted humor that never (ever) land.
This is part of a larger cinematic trend, where movies and movie makers do their best to try and please everyone and end up instead pleasing no one. Fans here for typical Cruise action will be bored by the lame attempts at horror and humor; horror fans will yawn as the movie does its best to imitate the action set-pieces of comic book movies. Along the way, things like sense and necessity are thrown out of the window.
Cruise feels horribly miscast as the cursed Nick, and while he never exactly does a bad job, he looks as confused as we do about why he’s here. His Tom Cruise Charms do little to win audience affections, but boy does he try. Crowe makes a fine Jekyll/Hyde, but his inclusion almost makes The Mummy feel like the sequel to a movie that doesn’t exist, and so the effect of his presence is dampened to near meaningless. Boutella was enrapturing as Ahmanet, however, and she almost single handedly redeems the entire ordeal.
Almost, but not quite. In the end, there’s nothing you can do but call The Mummy what it is: a hasty, ill-thought attempt at cashing in on the shared universe concept. With only this to guide us, the future is not bright for Dark, not without a major course correction. Successful shared universe take time to plan, and Universal would be wise to figure out what it’s trying to go for with these movies and stay in the right lane. As is, this is little more than a pastiche of tropes desperately seeking relevance. Without a new direction, The Mummy will no doubt be a wrap on the Dark Universe.
The Mummy is now playing in theaters everywhere.
