Undoubtedly Abigail Dowd found her writing for Not What I Seem cathartic. Few writers address the search for personal identity like she does here. Yes, Mary Gauthier, Gretchen Peters, and Patty Griffin come to mind as well but Dowd’s utter honesty reveals often painful experiences that shape who we are. Dowd knew she had to let go of much of it to find her self-worth and ultimately a sense of freedom. Her vocals are warm but often the subject matter is anything but. So, it’s not for the feint of heart. On the other hand, it is provocative and most of us can relate to much of it.
Playing with her bassist husband boyfriend Jason Duff and nimble guitarist Sam Frazier, the trio alternates between a classic folk and a more engaging folk-rock sound that lifts her stories up. She’s journeyed as much in a physical sense as a mental one. Dowd grew up in Southern Pines, North Carolina, the daughter of a musical family amidst a hard-scrabble existence. She sought peace by traveling to Florence, Italy and then Maine in an effort of self-discovery, only to find herself back where she started. Here she tries to separate her life experiences from who she is with stories of finding forgiveness, healing and gratitude for the many things that have shaped her.
Among these generous (perhaps too many) 14 songs, there are some clear standouts. In the title track Dowd reflects on being an artist’s model for ten years with lyrics like – “I am not what I seem/And I’m not as lovely as you’d like me to be…I don’t want to live forever its not a price I’ll pay/To stand and be admired while my life slips away.” Three tracks in, “Old White House” deeply resonates with the defiant personal reckoning of a scarred childhood as she finds her equilibrium – “There’s an old white house in the countryside/And it’s time I turned around/To go back to that girl inside/Tell her we’re alright/ And hold her tight.” She depicts her leaving in “Goodbye Hometown” and her return in “oh 95.”
The references to “another night in the dark” in “To Have a Friend (Dog’s Song)” may initially seem self-directed until you understand that Dowd is writing from the dog’s perspective. The song was written for an animated film about a dog that’s being created by Out of Our Minds Animation Studios. Dowd says, “ After they sent me the script, I knew I wanted to write the song from the dog’s perspective, a song that gives a voice to all the dogs out there who need a home. But, however you hear the song, I think a lot of folks can relate, especially to the importance of companionship. Writing this song, I would read through the script and then take my dog, who is a rescue, for a long walk. I call them ‘song walks’ and most of this one was written that way, stopping to jot down lyrics as they came>”
Another insightful tune is “Chosin,” inspired by her grandfather who fought in the Battle of Chosin Reservoir in the Korean War. Dowd had certain notions about her grandfather growing up that changed when she attended his funeral and spoke a few of veteran friends. She parallels her own inner battles with those brought home from war experience. She says, “ ‘Chosin’ strengthened my resolve to keep fighting for the light and embracing the shadows with all the hard, strong men in my life suddenly re-framed as pillars holding me up instead of leaving me behind.” Similarly, she finds some strength in others’ experiences as in “Wiregrasser,” recounting the tale of longleaf pines through the eyes of an Alabamian turpentine worker, who depended on it for his job a while its ecosystem was being destroyed by the turpentine industry. The catalyst for “Desire” was a conversation with her brother, a fireman, about the physical, mental, and emotional challenges that come with the job.
Dowd realized that personal stories can be hard to shake. One has to be careful that they don’t completely take over, so ‘letting go’ is essential. She’s gained enough wisdom to pass it on to a friend in “The Other Side.” We can all gain from some inner reflection too.
