‘I’m Too Old for This Sh*t’ Reminds Us We’re Never Too Old for Our Dreams (FILM REVIEW)

Rating: B-

How old were you when you gave up on your dreams?

Or maybe you didn’t give up on them, exactly, so much as life happened. You had a kid, you got a job, you went to school, whatever. But for some reason or another you put down the pen, or you gave up the ball, or the guitar got put in the closet and you just never picked it back up again. The years go by, you get older, and life solidifies around you, relegating your greatest dream to the realm of the past, something you used to want, something you used to do. Given the chance, would you go back? Could you try again?

For the members of Siren, a group of metalheads who in 1980s Florida were on the verge of perhaps making it before they, well, didn’t, that’s exactly the chance they got. For several years, the band, culling from the sounds and aesthetics of thrash metal’s early years, sat on the precipice of breaking through before life did what life does, and they all went their separate ways. Three decades later, after a lifetime of forging ahead in their own lives, they discover something amazing: A fan base that never gave up hope.

I’m Too Old for This Sh*t: A Heavy Metal Fairy Tale from director Nathan Mowery follows the shocking revival of a band nobody has ever heard of, ripped from obscurity to find themselves weirdly exalted by Germany’s staunch and hardcore heavy metal underground. Though far from a perfect film, and perhaps sometimes too meandering for its own good, I’m Too Old for This Sh*t is a moving portrait of rediscovering your passions and finding the chance to walk in the footsteps you used to only dream about.

As a band, Siren don’t seem to be anything that was particularly special. They looked and sounded like any number of bands that popped up in any number of towns in the nascent days of thrash metal, forged in the fires of friendship and shared love of metal. Like so many bands before them, they had a somewhat thriving business of mail order demo tapes that reached the far corners of the globe before they imploded over disagreements, misunderstandings, and the horrible process of growing up.

Thirty years later, the band is shocked to find out that their legend lives on and organizers of Germany’s Keep It True festival have invited them to play. The film follows the quintet as old friendships are rekindled and the magic is rediscovered over the year long quest to get back to form in order to finally make their big debut and live out their childhood dreams.

It’s difficult to deny how heartwarming it is to watch these five middle-aged could-have-beens step back into the steel-toed boots they’d long abandoned for the comforts of suburban life. Throughout it all, the members of Siren are nothing if not humbled to discover that they still have a thriving, if small, following of loyal fans who have waited their whole lives to see Siren.

Mowery, with the help of producer Chris Jericho (of WWE and Fozzy fame) craft a loving portrait of what it means to rediscover your dreams even after so much of your life has passed you by. While sometimes Mowery seems to have trouble with focus—much of their trip to Germany feels like a well-produced vacation video, and is about as interesting—the film overall is a fascinating glimpse at what it takes to grab your dreams by the horn and take them when the opportunity arises.

Not all of us could find the will to do that. Most of us wouldn’t even get the chance the find out. But it just goes to show you that maybe it’s never too late. Maybe we can all look into our closets of forgotten dreams and see what can’t be dredged up. Superstardom might not be in our cards, but that’s not really the point, is it? Sometimes joy is found simply in the trying. And at the end of the day, that’s too special to give up.

I’m Too Old for This Sh*t: A Heavy Metal Fairytale is now available on demand.

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