The 3GM View on Jack White and ICP Tackling Mozart’s Ode to Tossing Salads

If you don’t like it, well I can understand good taste. But how can you not laugh at lines like this: “Call it a fetish, call him a freak, callin’ in need of a tongue on his butt cheek.”

Jonathan Kosakow

There is no way in hell or heaven that I’d call this ridiculous song groundbreaking. Never. At the most, it’s a well put together mash-up that is just plain hilarious. Jack White has created some monumental music in his day, but this, hopefully, will be filed under “enjoyed and forgotten” alongside the Geto Boys’ Damn It Feels Good to Be a Gangsta and Weird Al’s Amish Paradise.

Granted, when I heard the words, “Step one: Spread ya butt cheeks” in reference to Mozart, I turned down my work computer speakers and ran to the bathroom trying to hold in laughter-induced vomit: those third grade lyrics that Kevin’s talking about are right on target with the Jerky Boys and that scene in Dumb and Dumber where Jeff Daniels drops a bomb in Lauren Holly’s broken toilet. But in reality, the most interesting thing about this song is that Jack White will end up getting more credit for it than the ICP, even though those two clowns have been rocking and spraying soda on their fans since Jack was wearing short pants, spending his spare time putting fabric on furniture.

Conor Kelley

“Lick me in the ass! Quickly! Quickly!”

– Translated lyrics from Mozart’s canon, Leck mich im Arsch

Two hundred years before Tipper Gore had a chance to whine loud enough about Prince’s masturbation lyrics for Congress to listen, there existed an even more talented and profane artist, and he wrote the world’s most timeless music. Mozart thought farts and handjobs were funny, just like the rest of us, and wasn’t afraid to write songs to prove it. It was only a matter of time before someone told Insane Clown Posse about this. Somehow they got Jack White to produce their interpretation of the canon, complete with three verses of their signature idiot rap. We all laughed our arsches off at their ridiculous single Miracles, and marveled at the fact that they were indeed sincere.

This time the joke is on us. If Mozart can write a song about tossin’ salads (I like mines wit’ jelly) for his party friends to laugh at, so can ICP and Jack White. The sad thing is, there’s a good chance it’s their best produced track yet. Sorry Juggalos, your boys are still a joke to the world. But at least you can revel in the fact that a collaboration exists between the best classical musician ever, the greatest bluesman of our generation and two numbnuts from Michigan. My best advice regarding this track is to buy it on wax from Third Man Records and keep it in mint condition to hock for way more than it’s worth in 30 years. Then go spend that money on strawberry jelly…or syrup.