‘South Park’ Breakdown: ‘Goth Kids 3: Dawn of the Posers’

(SPOILERS AHEAD, so proceed with caution, South Park fans!)

Season 17, Episode 4: “Goth Kids 3: Dawn of the Posers”

Written & Directed by: Trey Parker

Well, this season has certainly been a roller-coaster so far. After a couple of decent but underwhelming episodes, Parker raised the bar with the timely and hilarious “World War Zimmerman,” then the production crew missed its deadline in the first time in show history due to a power outage that derailed their technical process. Now, after a two-week wait, we have the Halloween-timed “Goth Kids 3: Dawn of the Posers,” which marks the return of the town’s resident goth characters (and features a one-note plot about the difference between “goths” and “emos” and “vamp kids”). It’s a fun-while-it-lasts but ultimately unsatisfying piece of television — and a huge letdown after “Zimmerman.”

Quick Breakdown

The episode’s finest moment just might be the intro credits, a hilarious goth-punk rendering of the show’s classic Primus-penned theme. (“Going down to South Park, gonna take my woes with me!” “Going down to South Park…to DIE!”)

We open on the goth kids reading Edgar Allen Poe in the bedroom of their female member, Henrietta. “That’s hardcore,” one says, in their trademark angsty tone. “That’s real pain right there.” Henrietta claims she’s been “abused,” but she’s clearly just suffering from severe hatred of every person in her life.

Her parents are concerned about her reclusive behavior and the “dark things (she’s) into,” and her dad pegs her as an “emo” — a big mistake, since goth kids DO NOT like being mistakenly labeled as their rival gang, the Emo Kids. Henrietta’s parents want to send her to a camp, where she’ll work outside and learn responsibility. She begrudgingly leaves, and her goth friends are (naturally) depressed about her two-week departure. Head goth Michael leads the gang to Child Protective Services, explaining that Henrietta’s been “abused” by her parents, incorrectly labeled an “emo.”

When the CPS girl asks what the difference between “emo” and “goth” is, they explain: Emos are more prone to suicide, but goths are more likely to be depressed about the suicides. It’s essentially the difference between nihilism and cynicism (but they’re not sure which is which).

We cut to Henrietta in a prison-like cell, where a mysterious plant suddenly sprouts from the floor. Later, she returns to normal life — but not normally. She now has PINK HAIR, so she’s clearly become an emo. “Oh, my God,” Michael remarks. “It’s worse than we thought.”

In gym class, the goths are (naturally) reclining and smoking in the bleachers, but Henrietta is now (what with her pink hair) associating with the other emo kids who have similarly colorful hair and eye-liner. Michael visits his traitor friend at home, where she’s listening to Sunny Day Real Estate (Bonus points for the excellent reference), a standard emo selection. When confronted, Henrietta says she was subjected to “group therapy.” Michael, suspicious about the intents of this supposed “camp,” tries to probe, but Henrietta tells him, “You should probably stop digging for answers. Soon the whole world will be emo. It is our time.”

Having heard about this camp’s miracle cure for lethargy and anti-social behavior, Michael’s parents now send him off for a revamped personality. Faced with extinction, the remaining two goth kids decide to team up with their other nemeses, The Vamp Kids, even though it’s a “suicide mission.” The rivals camps (after an awkward introduction at the Vamp Kid Headquarters) assemble at South Park Elementary for a “summoning” of Edgar Allen Poe, “knower of all that is misery.” Poe’s ghost is summoned successfully, and it turns out he’s just as annoyingly goth as the rest of them. “Ewww, Oh my God!,” he whines. “Emos are such wannabe conformists…Just cause you summoned me doesn’t mean you’re the boss of me!”

Michael wakes up tied to a chair in a room full of those weird plants. “It’s best you don’t upset them,” says a man who “helps the emos get into their human hosts.” Edgar Allen Poe and the goths/vamps fight in the car, heading to Troubled Acres, where they bail Michael out of his hellish confines. They’re told these suspicious-looking plants are actually emo children awaiting a host — in fact, they’re Ficuses bought at a local Lowe’s. Meanwhile, everyone is actually being pranked on the reality TV show “Yes, I Was Scared!” (Kind of a lame conclusion to the whole gag, but at least it turns out they didn’t roll with the whole “emo kids being harvested via plants” storyline as a reality.)

The kids confront Henrietta and tell her that she ultimately just switched to emo-ism on her own. Feeling guilty, they switch gears and lie, telling her they infiltrated the camp and torched the Plant Leader. Relieved, she sheds her emo attire and returns to her roots as a miserable goth asshole, calling her mom a “conformist bag of demon jizz.”

Rating

C+

A low-stakes throwaway episode laced with a few solid gags, one-liners, and eye-liner. It’s a cheap premise and a one-note story — which isn’t necessarily a killer with Parker at the helm — but (outside of the Poe bits) there simply weren’t that many laugh-out-loud moments.

Now for some random thoughts and my favorite moments of the night…

***Keep getting bombarded with commercials for Bad Grandpa, which is vying with Last Vegas (aka “Hangover for Old Guys) as the worst-looking piece of cinema in years.

“DEATH AND DESPAIR” is the middle goth’s ringtone…

Goths burned down the Hot Topic at the mall…

In Henrietta’s room, the emo girls talk about going to a Fall Out Boy concert while cutting themselves. (They want to eventually take over the world, paint the White House black, and have FOB play at the Superbowl. But, as another kid notes, there won’t be any football under their emo rule.)

“All gothic subcultures are derivatives of Poe’s work…mothafucka!” — African American vamp (who sounds a bit like Jay Z)